"broken disregard of human love is the beginning."

"a heart's dream with
a vacant smile
is my simple daydream."

"love those who cannot love you in return;
be forgiving to those who have forgotten forgiveness;
extend a helping hand to those who cannot help themselves;
teach god's love to those who are in darkness."

One thing to get off my mind: I got Nicole's Christmas gift already... it's so perfect :)

That's all... more later.

Found one the best mix CDs I may have ever put together...

1. Metallica--Enter Sandman
2. Nirvana--Smells Like Teen Spirit
3. Eminem--Forgot About Dre
4. WWE--The Game
5. Disturbed--Stupify
6. Creed--Higher
7. Creed--What If
8. Tantric--Breakdown
9. D12--Purple Hills
10. Drowning Pool--Bodies
11. Marilyn Manson--Beautiful People
12. Staind--Epiphany
13. System of a Down--Aerials
14. Puddle of Mudd--She Fucking Hates Me
15. Nirvana--You Know You're Right

Oh snap.

I'm down to 113.4 lbs. and still losing...

o_0

What's wrong with me?

Your words to me just a whisper
Your face is so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

’cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles
’cause my words get in my way.
I smoke the whole thing to my head
And feel it wash away
’cause I can’t take anymore of this,
I want to come apart,
Or dig myself a little hole
Inside your precious heart

’cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than
A little boy inside
That cries out for attention,
Yet I always try to hide
’cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don’t know how I feel
But I know I’ll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

’cause it’s always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said


I listened to this song before going to work and remembered how much I really loved it.

Work has become so tedious lately... the only thing that gets me through a day is knowing that someone out there loves me and that I'm not forgotten. God knows that I've felt alone now for awhile, like I'm here and people see me, but they don't see me. Being alone... my greatest fear.

I have felt so tired inside lately, but energized all the same. I realized that I'm so much stronger than I've been giving myself credit for... also, I'm becoming a very open and honest person, which is awesome since it makes me feel like my life makes sense somehow.

Random news: I've really been leaning toward pursuing a career in translating, signing in both English and Spanish. More than ever, I feel that this is the career for me, the one chance to truly make a difference in someone's life, to matter to someone. I want to help people so much sometimes that I cry when I can't. It's a fault of mine...

More random news: I think I have small boobs. Perhaps I should fill a couple of balloons with vanilla pudding like the girl in Now & Then did... she said that vanilla pudding had more texture, or something to that degree.




That's it for tonight lovers.

~*malloween*~

I imagine a cold, clear night in which
We walk together, laughing about nothing.
I see myself disappear into the shadows
And you follow
As I walk a quiet path
And you drink me in.
I stop in front of you, but I do not
Face you.
You come from behind,
Move my hair from my neck
And trace my neck so lightly
With the tips of your fingers that
My heart races, and I close my eyes
As I feel your embrace.
You kiss me softly, just once
On the most vulnerable spot
You can find
Before wrapping your arms around me
Hands just below my breasts.
I cannot breathe...
I am lost in this feeling.
You turn me to face you then,
And I'm held captive by your eyes...
They see inside me and know
What I feel.
Your lips whisper secrets on my own
They taste so sweet
And I want to wrap my arms around your neck
Never let go.

… If I had a thousand lives to live
And only one in which to choose,
I would choose this one
Before all the others
So that I could be in your arms,
Even if only for a little while.




Okay... now I know that you know.

How is it that you keep taking my breath away? And why, when I think of you, do I want to kiss you?

I don't get me.

I love you and you don't even know it.

♥

Alright, got the funny bits out of the way (we think)... got to talk to Josh-u-wa yesterday, which was much fun. I've been missing the phone calls, but work will do that to me anymore. Speaking of work, the last day that I had off was Monday, and my next day off will be this coming Thursday. Cuhrazy. Oh well. I'll be pulling in the dough with my 50 hour work shift. **God** That's a lot of hours. I'll be happy to get home... to Indiana that is.

*sigh*

~*Mal*~

PS--Someone kidnap me please. :(

So Dad made some reference tonight about becoming a fly on a wall while standing in my doorway talking to J and myself.

I replied "alright, Clay Aiken."

He continued with asking what I would do if a fly really did land on the wall. Would I kill it?

"Yes."

"If it landed on the TV, would you kill it?"

"Yes."

"What if it flew around the room and landed on Jesus's face?" (pointing to the crucifix hanging above mine and J's bed)

"I'd smack Jesus in the face and apologize later."


**Apologies for reposting this... just felt the need to include it on all journals**

I'll be home for... Thanksgiving.

But. J will not be with.

So.

Anyone brave enough to be seen in public with me for a day?

Snabbed three books from Waldenbooks today before returning to work *was savoring the last precious moments of my lunch break*. One book was The Collected What If? something or another... views on what could have been if certain events in history hadn't happened the way they did. It sounded pretty cool. Also picked up a book that has over 5,000 theories in it... figured it would be a handy reference point. The last book I grabbed was a huge quote book. I'm pleased thus far. :)

Sweet news: I get a 20% discount from Waldenbooks!!!!!!!!!

That's it for now. I'm heading off to watch The Seventh Seal with J-ness.


--Mallory

Alright... J is pissed off...

I got a call from Craig (Josh-u-wa, you know of him) asking me to come in at 11a... or earlier... instead of my 2-close shift. The assistant manager apparantly had a rough night and couldn't make it when she was supposed to, so... of course, Mallory to the fucking rescue.

Josh-u-wa especially will understand my utter frustration at this point due to the conversation we had last night.

*le sigh*


For real, yo. Shoot me in the head today.

Talking to my Stephy-a-nie right now, and otherwise waiting on my dad to finish his workout session so I can start supper. Umm... random news:

• J is getting pretty sick... could be another case of strep coming on
• I'm feeling as loopy as ever, and have actually managed to scrub the entire house... like, cleaned everything
• Actually tried to vacuum a sock up... of course, I didn't realize such until smoke started coming from the vac... yeah. smaaaaaaaaart.
• Found myself emailing everyone in the known universe. Wonder if the Doctor will receive my message...?
• Remembered the Care Bear plushie I saw, and am still wondering if I should snag it for a certain brother of mine...

That's it for now... gotta call my Stephy-a-nie.

Lates!

I'm a sexy chick, and subtly so.

Oh yes... I have charm.

*riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight*

I'm bored as hell, alone in the a'rent. Dad's off with J to do some driving lessons.

Me?

Well... working on my hip wiggles for when I hit my debut at the club. **hahahaha**

Like there'd really be anything to look at besides my big ass.

Of course, I like my ass.

So.

Touche.

Peace out peoples, and have a good laugh at my stupidity. :)

Love ya all,
Mal

Yes folks, it's true. I actually got a tat. It's slightly tender today, but totally bearable. Anyway, just thought I'd share with ya'll.

:)

So I questioned many things, and you answered without hesitation.
In your eyes I knew the truth,
Even though you did not speak in great detail.
You loved me through my pain,
Holding me closer to you to shield me from the hurt.
Oh Confusion, settle in tonight and leave us
Dry-tongued and weary.

Ah... there's my piece of mind.

Work has been driving me up a wall lately. I have had to come in when I wasn't scheduled, close for a lazy ass manager who lied about his reason for being unable to stay his scheduled time, and to top off my night last night, I was left with making sure the store looked grand for the regional vice president that is coming TODAY. I am so freaking nervous. I just hope that what I left for my manager won't be anything too much. I mean, I did a lot more last night than I was supposed to, but I wanted to get the little shit out of their way. Thank God I have today off though. Of course, I still have to come in to meet the v.p.. *sigh*

My weekend was crazy. My mom had flown in late Thursday night, and didn't leave until Monday, but I was at the airport until sometime after 4p. Then I get the message that they need me at work, so off I go to close. On Sunday, I went to the #1 tattoo parlor, but wasn't able to get mine because the place was full for the night. It's a really popular place, so I'm debating on whether I should try another walk-in thing or just call and set up an appointment with them. Either way, I'll get it. The design I picked out is a tribal design for my lower back, a spike that points straight down with your usual curvey shit on the sides. I dunno... I'll have to see if I can find pics of what it'll look like. After that one, I'll have them add my second design. Basically, I'm getting two tattoos to create one big tattoo. :)

Anyway, guess I'll go wake J-ness up.

Lates.